Friday, August 26, 2011

Just Say NO!

I was thinking about this today and how I have a way of doing what I don't want to do and many things that I shouldn't do... I really need to use the word NO more often... Not sure why I don't... I don't have a problem with it when it comes to telling Chuck no... Unless he goes on and on and on... I'm sure you get the point... I think the hardest ones I have a hard time with are the ones that ask the most... When they keep going and going and eventually I break down and do whatever it is, even though I know I shouldn't be doing whatever it is... Like when I'm very tired and I shouldn't be driving... If someone needs something or wants a ride... I will start off saying no, and then comes the attitude/attitudes and I give in... I get sick of hearing the whining and then I grumble because I end up giving in... One day  unless I am dead tomorrow or before that day comes I will figure it out... Maybe I don't want to be the bad guy... Not sure... But I was looking online for help with this topic and these are some of the things I found when trying to get advice on saying NO!

Things I say no to: Drugs, Satan, hurting others, hurting animals, illegal activity, ways of the world, cross dressing (lol), eating nasty foods like snails, squid, sushi and that's just a few, rude people, rap crap music, solicitors, customer service reps, tattoos, most reality shows, infomercials, rehab, had to throw that in because of Amy Whinehouses song, lol,  Lakers, Spurs, New Years Resolutions, going to the hospital, sex changes, spam, people who say I have to vote with a specific party (politics) and stupid people... I'm sure other things are on my list, lol...

All of these examples are in someone else's words and taken from a self help page, lol... Not sure how much self help I am into, but here it goes, lol...

Here's How:
  1. Just say, “I’m sorry. I can't do this right now.” Use a sympathetic, but firm tone. If pressured as to why, reply that it doesn't fit with your schedule, and change the subject. Most reasonable people will accept this as an answer, so if someone keeps pressuring you, they’re being rude, and it’s OK to just repeat, “I’m sorry, but this just doesn't fit with my schedule," and change the subject, or even walk away if you have to.
  2. If you’re uncomfortable being so firm, or are dealing with pushy people, it’s OK to say, “Let me think about it and get back to you.” This gives you a chance to review your schedule, as well as your feelings about saying "yes" to another commitment, do a cost-benefit analysis, and then get back to them with a yes or no. Most importantly, this tactic helps you avoid letting yourself be pressured into over scheduling your life and taking on too much stress.
  3. If you would really like to do what they’re requesting, but don’t have the time (or are having trouble accepting that you don’t), it’s fine to say, “I can’t do this, but I can…” and mention a lesser commitment that you can make. This way you’ll still be partially involved, but it will be on your own terms.
Tips:
  1. Be firm -- not defensive or overly apologetic -- and polite. This gives the signal that you are sympathetic, but will not easily change your mind if pressured.
  2. If you decide to tell the person you’ll get back to them, be matter-of-fact and not too promising. If you lead people to believe you’ll likely say "yes" later, they’ll be more disappointed with a later "no."
  3. If asked for an explanation, remember that you really don’t owe anyone one. “It doesn't fit with my schedule,” is perfectly acceptable.
  4. Remember that there are only so many hours in the day. This means that whatever you choose to take on limits your ability to do other things. So even if you somehow can fit a new commitment into your schedule, if it’s not more important than what you would have to give up to do it (including time for relaxation and self care), you really don’t have the time in your schedule.
Here is some of links I found helpful with this topic..
  • It is Expert Advice Tip Sheet... You can even print this up... It's from a site called Online Organizing... 
  • Here is another link from Cross Walk... 20 Things You Can Say "No " To
  • Need to have a medical site on here on relieving stress... So here is one from the Mayo Clinic and Stress Relief... 
  • I can't leave out good ole Wikipedia... Here is what they say on "How to Say No Respectfully"... 
  • We gotta put in the Zen stuff too... Here is a link to Zen Habits... I'm not into that,  but it has good advice... 5 Simple Ways to Say "No" 
  • These people say it is the only guide you will need in saying NO to others... Hmmm... Not sure I believe that,  but I will go with it for now... The Personal Experience Blog... Not sure it is good sending people to other blogs, but here it goes... 
  • I love this one, lol... How to Say NO to Kids... Easier said than done... This is from EHow... 
  • If you have teens, you will love that I put this one in here... How to Say NO to Sex... This is from About.com... I love the first example as it starts out... Take a Deep Breath, lol... Too funny... 
In closing: I think this is alot harder then it looks... I have always had problems saying no... Even though there are times I have no issues... It is more so when it comes to people whining and sniveling... It drives me crazy and they know when I'm not feeling good, they can get me to do whatever... My daughter Jessica would tell me that when they wanted me to say yes, they would wait till I was in the hospital with alot of medications (morphine) or at church... They knew I wouldn't argue or yell at them at church... I think she is right about that... I don't like to make a scene unless someone messes up my order at a restaurant or people can't speak English when I call customer service... Maybe it is safer to get upset at people you don't know over those you love and care about... With Chuck it is safe to say no... But then he shrug's it off like others do and they know I will give in eventually...

I will be working on a followup blog to this one on stress and how it can affect our health and wellness... I am going to try to hit up a Dr. friend of mine to see if he will add his insight to this topic... He is an awesome cardiologist here in St. George and I am sure he knows alot more than I do... I know the effects on me... But he would know the effects on the body... So Dr. Chander if you see this, know I will be hitting you up... :) In Case anyone wants to know... Here is a link to Dr. Chanders Facebook Page... You should like his page... He has some great info on there... 

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very well written, Sandie! We talk about stress in our lives. Some of it is part of being human. But we should always try to minimise stress any ways we can, and being able to say NO can help with that. Thanks for some great tips!!

Sandie said...

I'm very bad at saying NO... But I'm going to try to work on that and be the meanie for awhile... A number of my friends tell me I need to set better boundaries and say NO more often... Less stress in my life would be a good thing... Thanks for your comment...

Pinks said...

Ahhh, that wonderful word 'no.' So small yet so hard to say. Took me 2 years to learn to say it to one particular person. Now it's a little easier to say it to whoever I have to.
But, there is sometimes that guilt factor that I put on myself. I want to be super woman or something I guess.
Saying no doesn't mean we don't care, I think it means we care more. Because we are taking care of ourselves or saying it in the best interest of the other person. Remember 'co-dependancy?"
Oh yah, that other nasty word :)

BridgetteBodette said...

thanks

candidaabrahamson said...

Brilliant post (with a wonderful shot of the finger-wagger)! Yes, learning to just say no is a crucial skill, and one that improves our own stress levels in addition to improving relationships. I wrote specifically how "just say no" applied to our financially over-indulged adult children--and there's a lot to practice! Stop by at if you could use some support in that arena.