She and others want me to sit down with my family and Lord knows who else and say everything there is about my health... My family has known for many years about my health issues and they also know I don't tell them everything... Craig has gone with the my neurology appointments, Jessica has gone with to Dr. appointments and Rebeckiah knows also that there are just some things I keep private. Chuck knows this too... We talk all the time about things and he knows I don't tell him or them everything because they know that I stress over them stressing and that makes things worse considering the situation... My husband is a truck driver and he and I both decided a long time ago that unless I was in the hospital and not going to be home that I wouldn't worry him since there is nothing that can be done... My daughters and my brother in law knows this too... I have some ask me to help explain to others what is going on with me... My thought is that it really isn't everyones business to know what my medical issues are or other things... If they want to pray, thats fine... But I'm not a open book, never will be an open book... When I say it is a me thing, I would prefer to leave it at that and shouldn't have to explain every little detail of what is going on...
This is when it would be nice to have my friend Jerri from Denver to vent too... She was great... She let me vent, grumble or whatever and then it was done with... Then she would turn around and do the same thing... We could talk hours about things like this and accepted what each was thinking or feeling and then life went on... It was a good chance to get alot of things off your chest and you knew it was kept in confidence and it was left there... I don't know if there really is such a thing as confidence anymore! Alot of things make me question that...
My family is also all subscribers to my blog and see everything I write... They know when I have a bad day or night and Chuck knows when I have a bad day or not feeling good or whatever it is that is happening... Sometimes what may work for others isn't always the right solution for us... I know that there are many that care and worry about what is going on... But from what I got out of Laura's email she must be upset over something that someone had to say for her to write me... She is a kind hearted person that is a bit like me and gets mad easily and defensive over things... But even Chuck and Bridgette has gone to my appointments after getting test results... We just have a unspoken rule in my house and thankfully my family respects, or should I say tolerates my need for privacy on some things... It's not like I have control over everything and mostly nothing at all... My family also has all my diagnoses on my computer with the medicines I take and what Dr's I see for what... And my family will read this blog and know exactly what I am talking about...
Now there are alot of stresses that bring on more medical things and those are being taken care of in just a few weeks and there will be peace in the home again I hope... Getting rid of the stressor the major stressor at this moment isn't going to cure or change much except there won't be as many blow ups and other things... Things are what they are... And stress does have a way of making the Myasthenia worse or atleast the muscle weakeness...
Like I said, I know many worry about my health and sometimes when I voice my thoughts out loud or tell someone what is going on... It may not be that I need anything, I may just want to vent or have a sounding board... There isn't always a need to step in and save the day so to speak... Even Chuck hears about things through out the day when I am upset or sick and it isn't like I am expecting anything... I am just venting out loud... What is going on with me, it's me.. Nobody else! I adore the ones who Laura is upset with and I know that she has her own reasons and doesn't know who they are personally... Laura is protective of her friends and she worries alot and so do my friends... But like I said, I may sound like I am complaining or grumbling when I just want or need to vent out loud... Chuck, Jessica, Beckiah, Bridgette and Craig all know this about me... And I am sure by tonight they will have read this blog posting and will agree...
Oh well... I am done for now with this... I don't know what is going on, but since today my thinking is clearer, then I thought I would write this where it hopefully makes some kind of sense...
But a good thing did happen yesterday... I was able to get 60 days of one of my meds that is horribly expensive from one of my Drs... So that was cool... That is the medicine that helps me think better... And he told me to come back in 2 months and he would give me another 2 months...
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