Saturday, January 21, 2012

Forgiving the Unforgivable...

When it comes to forgiveness we are told in the Bible to forgive those who have hurt us... One study shows that one of the keys to longevity and good health is to develop a habit of gratitude and let go of past hurts... OK, now that is easier said then done...

When I read verses like the ones below, it tells me that I need to forgive others of whatever wrongs they have committed or God won't forgive me... I know I'm taking this out of context and reading other things into it... But it is what it is...

“Forgive us for the wrong things that we do. Other people do wrong things to us. But we know that we also must forgive those wrong things.

Forgive people when they do wrong things to you. If you forgive them, your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive them, your Father will not forgive you.”

Matthew 6:12 and Matthew 6:14-15



“Forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sill against us.” There is no slightest suggestion that we are offered forgiveness on any other terms. It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven. There are no two ways about it. What are we to do?

When I was looking up this topic online, I came across this:

Stop telling "the story." How many times this week did you tell "the story" about how badly you were hurt and how horribly you were wronged? How many times a day do you think about this hurt? It is a stake driven into the ground that keeps you from moving away from this hurt. Rather, forgive your enemy because it's the kindest thing you can do for your friends and family. Negativity is depressing - physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

OK... So when I think about this, I think that it is saying that you just need to say nothing and get on with life... Is this what it is saying... But I do agree, some things never should be talked about... If they weren't talked about, then they would be left in the past and invade the present and future... I have thought about this and think it is true... If something happened, why bring it up... Stop talking about what has gone on and then it won't affect how I feel about things or people...

And I know that we are suppose to forgive our enemy more for ourselves then for them... Many times they don't care if we have forgiven them or they may not know if they have hurt us... I can't help but think about how sometimes that is a cop out or an easy out... We say we forgive someone, but do we really... I'm not saying forget about what happened... I don't think we should set ourselves up to let the same thing happen... But I know for myself there are some people that I have not forgiven... I know I should... But I haven't... If I did, I wouldn't still be venting over it or thinking about it... 

But then I was thinking about how much do people really want to hear about what is really going on? If they really knew what was going on in some people's lives, they would never ask anyone again how they are doing... I'm all for canned responses these days... My thoughts may not be right, but that's what I'm thinking at the moment... Sometimes it's better not to say anything then open up a can of worms that nobody can do anything about and that may be better left unsaid...


One of the other things I was reading was this... 

Retrain your thinking. When your enemy and his or her evil actions come to mind, send him or her a blessing. Wish your enemy well. Hope the best for him or her. This has two effects. One, it neutralizes that acid of hate that destroys the vessel in which it is stored. The evil we wish for another seems to have a rebound effect. The same is true for the good that we wish for another. When you make yourself able to return blessing for hatred, you'll know that you're well on the path to wholeness. The first 15 - or 150 - times you try this, the "blessing" may feel contrived, empty, and even hypocritical but keep trying. Eventually, it will become a new habit and soon thereafter, the anger and pain that has burned in your heart will evaporate, like dew in the morning sun. This technique forces your mind to overcome the cognitive dissonance between hating someone and acting with compassion toward him or her. Since there is no way to take back the kind gesture to agree with your hatred, the only thing your mind can do is change your belief about the person to match. You will begin to say to yourself, "S/he is deserving of a blessing, and indeed, must need one very much."

OK... Now I have issues with this one too... I'm not talking about just hurting someone... I'm talking about actual evil people... People who prey on the innocent and kill children... I have a hard time finding forgiveness for them... But the Christian in me says that we are suppose to do that... And that the final judgement is God's... 

2 comments:

RevSue said...

As you know, I was treated very badly for 15 months. It was hard, it sucked, I cried, I became very depressed over the situation. No matter what I tried I could change it. Even after I was out of the situation I still harbored resentment over the situation and the people. Then I started working on my class work and the first damn question I was asked to answer was "Who in your community do you need to forgive?" Lest I say, I knew exactly who I needed to forgive but at that point I just couldn't. I asked a mentor of mine, "What do I do? How do I answer this question? I don't get to sit in class where I can explain my answer." And he said, "Answer it just as you have said it to me. You know who you need to forgive, but right now you're just not in that place. that with time, prayer, and guidance from above it will come."

So that is what I did. And now 7 months after the situation ended, I can honestly say that I have been able to forgive those who bullied and hurt me so much. I can honestly say that what they put me through was horrible and hard, that I learned some valuable lessons and I have become stronger because of it. Can I thank them? No. But forgive them? Yes.

Sandie said...

I agree with you 120%... I remember when you were going through all of this stuff... I do think we need to forgive... Forgetting is another issue... If we let things keep happening that hurt us that isn't good and not right... We shouldn't be played for a fool and I don't think God intended us to be played that way... But the forgiveness factor is something I'm grateful for because I know I have hurt many people without knowing it... There were those times when I did and didn't think much of it... But as we get older, and not saying I'm old, lol, but we understand more about what is important... And thankfully Jesus has forgiven me and if He can, then I must forgive others... Even though there are some that I have forgiven, but I won't allow them back into my life because of the problems... No forgiving hurts us more than them...

I do think we can thank them in some way for the lesson... If I wasn't hurt and allowed myself to get hurt, I wouldn't be the person I am today... I guess it isn't always a bad thing, but it sure isn't a fun thing to be hurt and used... I have no choice to forgive, because I was forgiven too... Well, I guess we have a choice, but for me it's a no brainer... :)