My Summer/Hit and Run

There has been a number of things on my mind lately... So here is some of the things I've been thinking on...

Some of you may now that I have been having a pretty rough summer so far... Since March I have been in the hospital twice and I can't even count how many times in the ER... It started out as a Myasthenic Crisis and ending up in ICU, and has just escalated from there... I do think that my Dr has made some progress on the pain medications... They don't work as good as I would like... But at least he is doing something... My home health nurses has been a tad-bit upset over my Dr because he isn't great at calling back... Pretty soon they will have to do something... They have also been having a hard time getting my blood pressure where it is suppose to be... It's been in the 225/118 range...I think I sleep much more than I should because of not feeling good and not able to get around like I need or want too...

While I was in the hospital, they ended up putting a pacemaker in... My heart rate was going down to 28 and wouldn't go over 44... Now they have it set to stay in the 60's to 80's range I think... Even though It doesn't seem to have helped with the arrhythmia and palpitations... When I was in the hospital a few weeks ago, they said something more is going on with that because it shouldn't be doing that...I think they are more worried about it then I am... I guess I'm just use to it...

Now my bedroom is looking like a hotel room... I have my IV pole and have to do fluids, antibiotics and stuff at home through a port... The hospital sent out everything except a hospital bed... I have a feeling that this it is going to be a very long summer...

I'm still am planning on going to Indiana...I have to wait for that now because of all the medical things going on and the heat the Midwest is having... I'm very much looking forward to this road trip...Of course I can't go by myself... I was thinking about flying to Indiana, but not too sure if my cousins can get to the airport to pick me up... But I like road trips much better... It gives me time to think... If I went by myself though my Dr's would have a cow... And then I would end up in Alaska since I get lost in my own back yard...

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Eric (Father), Claire Rose, and Rosemary (Mother)

Another thing that has been on my mind is some dear friends of mine... They lost their daughter Claire Rose in a hit and run pedestrian accident in California... Her death makes me think about how no matter how old we are and full of live, that anything can happen... When I was reading some of the messages on her parents facebook, the news from Santa Monica and such breaks my heart... Claire was only 15 minutes into her 30th birthday... How can one not think about their own mortality and your children when you hear about something like this...  If you want to read more about the accident, you can check out these links... Most of these has videos and one has a vigil where they are singing happy birthday to Claire...

KTLA- Channel 3 LA
ABCLocal- Santa Monica
CBS Los Angeles- This is very sad... They do an interview with her longtime love Sascha Rasmussen... You can tell how much he loved Claire Rose...
LA Weekly Blog

Claire Rose and Sascha Rasmussen...

When Rosemary posted on her Facebook that Clair passed away, she was talking about God and how she is  in heaven now... What a great sense of peace when you know where your loved ones are... As a Christian myself, I think that makes a big difference...I don't have a fear of death because I know where I'm going... I do fear for those who haven't accepted Christ as their personal savior... I pray that Claire's friends and family find the answers they need and this person is caught... I can't imagine what they are going through and I don't know if I could be as forgiving...It was very sad news...The day before Clair passed away and went home to be with the Lord was her parents anniversary... Please keep them in your prayers... Her longtime boyfriend Sascha is heart broken and everyone else...

Then today, I get on Facebook and Eric, Claire's dad and some other guys were building her casket... When I seen the pictures and the love they were putting into Claire's final resting place brought tears to my eyes... As a parent, I would have such a hard time doing that... That is such a gift of love... One of the most difficult gifts of love... I was amazed at the strength and love it took to do that...

I know in my heart that God has a plan, but to demonstrate utter trust and faith at a time like this gives me hope and I can't help but feel humbled by their love...

Now for the last thing... I was and have been thinking about how I need to just get away and go driving to Pine valley or one of the lakes... I'm getting pretty stir crazy and I need to get out... But with the way I have been doing, me driving isn't the thing to be doing right now... I'm on way too many medications and have too many medical things going on... I would like to do that with a special friend... It seems like over the past few months I haven't seen many of the friends that I like to see the most... Sometimes I think I haven't seen them much because it drains them too much and they don't feel comfortable enough with me being sick... Or maybe it is because they need a break... There are times when I wonder if I did anything to offend or hurt this particular friend... I hope not... There are alot of times when I open mouth and insert foot... OH... BTW Jenn and Scott, this isn't about you... I know you will read this and wonder... I know you guys have been busy and you are afraid to get me sick since I have been sick and get sick very easily... But I do miss this one friend, because I  have only seen her a few times... Maybe I'm just over thinking this and she is busy too or I expect too much... Not sure...

But going to go now... Have a blessed day and thanks for reading my ramblings and thoughts that go from one subject to another... And thanks to my friend who helps me edit my blog so it makes some kind of sense...