Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Spiritual Warfare and Random Thoughts

Just when you think you have things all figured out, life throws a curve ball right at ya... Not sure about anyone else, but I am not at all appreciative of curve balls and right now is not a good time for them...

I have been having this train of thought about how Satan puts people in our lives or maybe we allow Satan too... I wonder if this is some sort of spiritual warfare that is going on...  Not sure which of those thoughts are the right one... Either way, I am not impressed with either choice... I was soooooo hoping that something was going to happen and now it looks like it won't... This problem seems to cause me more and more problems both medically and stress related... But I am hoping that sooner or later it will be taken care of... Sooner being the best option there...

But lately I have been wondering alot if God is in the picture anymore or have I been forgotten somewhere... Maybe I distanced myself or maybe He is just giving me room to hang myself... Not sure which is right... Maybe both! I have been asking the question,  "If God is all-powerful, why doesn’t he use that power to stop the suffering?"I know I should know the answer to this... But lately I am wondering were He is at... And why hasn't He stepped in... I have been pretty closed to His direction for some time for many reasons and just not sure what will happen with that... It is like we are butting heads and I know that God will always prevail and is right... But there is that struggle that seems to continue... When will it end? Not sure on that one either... But one thing that I did come away with at the Women of Faith is that no matter what God is there and I just must not be seeing or feeling Him right now... Also I know that God is good and if He cares for us, then we can believe He has all power, even in the face of sickness, suffering, and death itself... I have no fear of death and even if it was to happen today, I don't see that as a bad thing... I think the idea of living in a world that is so full of hate and Satan's evil doers is a much harder thing to look forward too... Now I just have to get my heart to believe what I know is right... Another emotion of not know how to do that...

I have to say, that my faith in God and Christ has never gone... I think it is more my wondering when he is going to send in the Calvery to make things better... I don't know, this is all just ramblings of my mind I guess and it is what it is... I also think I think too much... I know those who know me will totally agree with this statement...

Some of the things I have not been doing and should be doing are:
  1. Reading my Bible ( Been a few months)
  2. Praying Daily (Few Months)
  3. Going to Church (Been off and On)
  4. Trusting God with my circumstances (Very Hard to Do)
  5. Enjoying my relationship with Christ
Now the thing is getting back to these and really feeling like He is listening or is there... I have a hard time with that one right now and have fallen way off track when it comes to all of the above things... Not sure when I will be able to do these things... I know alot of this sounds silly and easy to do do... But it isn't... Many say it is easy to read the Bible and pray... But all things aren't that easy when you aren't feeling that connection... And it drives me nuts when people tell me that nothing is too hard for God... He won't give you more than you can handle... At this point, I can honestly say, I am not thinking that way...

My mind doesn't remember things for very long... But at the Women of Faith conference this weekend they asked each of the speakers what the first thing they would ask God when they see Him... I was thinking about this and I would have to say, " What took you so long to rescue me?" I may write more on this tomorrow or maybe I will write about my bucket list lol... Not sure which of those I will do... I think both are a good and needed topic... I wonder if others have a bucket list? Pretty good idea I think...

1 comment:

Pinks said...

Curve balls are a fact of live. They are never appreciated, never wanted, and always come at inconvenient times. Satan never gives up on trying to take us with him. He's already lost the war so what does he have to lose to not try to win a few battles here and there?

God never forgets us nor abandons us. We, on the other hand, often abandon God. God does not test us. He puts the choices out there, hence free will, and it's up to us to follow his word or follow our own direction, which ultimately leads to Satan.

Now is not the time for God to step in and stop the suffering in the world. As always, he will do it in God's time. This is a very hard thing for us as human beings to understand. We children shot up in war or drive by shootings, we see loved ones suffer from debilitating diseases, we know a woman who loses her child before it has a change to live. All of these are devastating to us. We don't understand, we're confused. But even in all this God is with us and with those who are suffering. Shortly after the World Trade Center buildings fell, there was a country song that was released called I Was There. The whole song was God talking to the people who died and their loved ones. He assured them that he was with them in the smoke filled staircase, in the parking garage, beside them in the plane that crashed into the field in Pennsylvania. God is always there. God is always with us. Even when we give up on God, even when we ignore God, even when we blame God, he is still with us, waiting to lead us.

I have learned that in the times when I most want to ignore God by not reading his word or not praying, that is when God wants me the most. He puts road blocks in my way so that I will turn back to him.

As any habit, it takes a little time to make it a habit. And when we give up a habit, it's hard to take it up again. But God is loving, patient, and kind.

So my answer to this is to just keep trying to get back. Don't give up. Because if you give up, Satan wins.