Toxic Relationships

Wow, I never really thought much of this till this week... What is a toxic relationship? I found this on EHow...

Is there someone in your life who is draining the life out of you? Are you connected to someone who is constantly critical and cuts you down? Are you being emotionally blackmailed? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are involved in a toxic relationship. Surround yourself with relationships that are not toxic and you'll enjoy relationships with positive outcomes... 

The reason I bring this up is because over the past couple of days since I got out of the hospital I have had a number of conversations with family members that I swear are out to kill each other with horrible words and comments...

This has been going on for a long time between these two... Since they are mother and daughter you would think they would be able to get along and consider each others feelings... But I don't think it is that way... They were living with me and I knew it was bad then, but it has gotten much worse... I don't think I have seen that much anger, gashing and rage coming out of someone who should love one another... I can see why I was feeling the way I was when they both lived with me at the same time... Wow! I feel bad for them though... If they could get past the past and know that they love each other and need each other, they would be much happier...

I have a good friend of mine that told me that I need to get rid of the toxic people in my life and she is right... I was always feeling drained and on edge... When I couldn't totally get rid of them I had to change things because I was always upset... When it gets to that point, I think I had to step back and really look at things in a different way... Maybe that's what my sister and niece need to do... I know they love each other... But there is so much anger and resentment that they can't see that... It's making them into very unhappy people... Their home seems to have become a battle ground and that creates a terrible amount of stress...

There comes a time when I had to look at certain relationships with many people and decide if the relationship is balanced or is it is a give and take relationship... I have had to remove friends and sometimes family for this reason... When it was upsetting me everyday and things didn't seem to get better... I knew this wasn't good... But it took me a long long long time to get to the point of understanding this and seeing it for what it is...

Something we each need to ask ourselves if we have people in our lives is if we feel safe from verbal, physical or emotionally abuse... I don't think this is easy to answer and I know for myself it is difficult and a process for me... There are still people in my life that I have to work out of my life... And I think when it comes to relationships that are family or friends, it has to be done...

I got thinking about toxic relationships because of my sister and niece... I was shocked at how they were treating each other and taking to each other... I know I shouldn't be, but I was and am... Then I wonder how many of us see our own toxic relationships... I know I have a hard time seeing them for what they are...

These are some questions you can ask yourself... And if you are like me, you may not like the answer...

They use tactics such as:

• Intimidation — Using implied or veiled threats about withholding their love or leaving. 
• Guilt-tripping — Implying the partner/friend is not caring enough or is too self-centered. This works especially well with more conscientious people. 
• Shaming — Putting down, insulting and using sarcasm to make the other person feel inadequate. This way they stay in power as the other person weakens. 
• Charm — A good controller is always seductive and knows how to be flattering at times in order to reel in their partner/friend and bind her/him more tightly to them. 
• Turning the tables — They will claim that they in fact are the victim and are being put upon, to deflect any blame or confrontation and further induce guilt in their partner/friend or family member.

I have found that being around toxic people can be draining and makes me bitter and angry towards that person... Actually I only have myself to blame for allowing them into my life... They can't make me feel bad, I can only make me feel bad... I'm in the process of getting rid of toxic people in my life and leaving them to the past... For myself I have to let God handle them and that is the only way I can go forward... It isn't easy to do... I also think that by getting rid of toxic people in my life I can focus on what I need to and forget all the crap that I don't need... So! It's in Gods hands now and that's where it should be...

There was a time until recently where I would for the most part trust someone with too much of my own thoughts and I found that was a mistake big time... But I have gotten to a place where I know I have to stop thinking about that situation because it is toxic for me to keep going over what could have happened or what will happen... I will never have answers and if I keep thinking about them and going over them, it will eat me alive... Just like with my sister and niece... There has been alot of history with them and most pretty bad... But you can't let that history eat at your future... Eventually you have to put it in the past where it belongs... There are many things I want answers for because I know they have to do with who I am today... But I think once you get them if possible, you need to give it to God and go on... Life is pretty miserable if you life with anger and resentment...

My sister and niece are in my prayers and I do hope they are able to find some kind of peace with each other... I know there has to be love there... But I also think they need to get to the point of forgiveness and then they can heal... I can't do that for them... Only they can through God...

My Closing Thought: Is it EASY? Not at all... This is a lifetime process for me... I take many detours and make many mistakes along the way... I fall back into my same habits and ways of thinking... But I know deep down that I can only trust that God is going to show me the way out and put the right people in my life... I can't do it alone... I would never except too... Even though I try and God has to be giving me this look like " Go ahead, but you know what will happen!" For me, I just have to keep going forward and as I see who is toxic and or not, I have to take it one step at a time...