Guilt Tripping Friends!

I was having this conversation the other day with a friend of mine... I felt bad for her because she felt like she had to live up to the expectations of one of her friends... I did ask her if I could blog about it since I think it is something we all may deal with sometime in our life...

When this conversation she was upset and crying because her friend was telling her that because she is a bigger woman that tells her that  people that are fat are lazy and slobs and doesn't care about themselves... She said she was embarrassed to be around someone that was 200 pounds... I'm guessing that is how much she weighs... I asked her how much her friend weighs and she said she is around 150 pounds... This is one of those topics that get me going... There are alot of reasons why a person is heavy... There are medical reasons and maybe it is because they overeat... But then maybe there are pains a person is hiding that is bringing to to the point of eating... I'm in no way a small person... I take medications to live that causes weight gain... I hate to say this, but I hope that people who judge others because of weight one day experiences the pain others feel... I know that isn't Christian like, but it is what it is... We never know what load someone is carrying and to judge someone because they are a bigger person is horrible... I do think that if someone is eating out of pain, then they should try to get some help... As a friend I would tell someone that instead of telling them they are a fat slob and not worthy to be around... I have no room in my life for judgmental people like that... What makes them any better than anyone else... If someone looked at me, they would think I eat much more than I should and they wouldn't know that I take steroids and medications that cause me to gain weight... If I didn't take them, i wouldn't be able to breath... But others wouldn't know that unless I shared that... And I don't do that because unless they are friends, they don't need to know what is going on with me medically...

But my friend was very upset because in order for her to be friends with this other lady, she would have to basically stay away from her other friends... She really wanted to be friends with her, but it was eating her up that she could never live up to what her friend wanted her to be... In my opinion, if you feel like you have to live up to what someone else wants you to be, then they aren't friends... Just my thought...

I asked her why she felt the way she did... She said the reason why she felt this way is because she every-time she turns around or she makes a decision that her friend doesn't agree with she will be told by her friend and looked down at... I told her that isn't a friendship then... There is no way you can make everyone happy... Lord knows, I have enough of a problem with that myself...

I had a friend once that wanted me to feel and think the way she did... If I didn't she would put me on a guilt trip... It took me a long time to figure out that she was't being a friend if she was trying to make me into someone I'm not... I have friends that are from all walks of life and that is good for me... But if any of those friends put a stipulation on me that I had to think the way they did or they wouldn't be my friend, then I guess they wouldn't be my friend... I was telling my friend that if she is upset all the time and she is being told that she isn't good enough to be herself, then she shouldn't want to be a friend with someone like that... They aren't being a friend if they are trying to control her that way...

Lately, I have had to eliminate people from my life because of different reasons... All of those reasons are because I was feeling worse about myself when I was around them... Even though it made it easier when one friend moved away, lol... I think we need to surround ourselves around people that are going to make us a better and happier person... When I told my friend that and asked her if she was happy... She told me she wasn't... But she would miss her friend if she wasn't in her life... I don't know what to tell her about that... I just know that someone never should make another person feel like they are worthless... There are enough people in this world doing that job already... And if someone is making us feel that way, then good riddance... Even though when it comes to family, that is easier said then done...That is a whole other story or topic... Or should I say it could be a whole book...

I don't know why people feel like they have to make others feel like they are a lesser person... I told my friend this too and that it isn't right for anyone to make her feel that way... For myself, and it is hard though, I have to walk away... And when my friend was telling me that she needed to talk to her friend and she said she would be there no matter what and in the end it turned out to be too much for their friendship... I can kinda understand that... Now, for me, I don't like telling everyone everything because it can come back and bite you in the hinney... And I do have some friends who don't understand things about my life and what I feel... I wouldn't expect them too... When I was telling my friend that it would be nice to have that once person who you can tell anything to and not have them judge you would be nice and a valued friend... She thought she had this in her friend and it turned out that she wanted to be friends on her terms... I told her I also have trust issues and have learned that there are some things to never share with others because it freaks them out and it is too much to deal with... She gave me a funny look on that, but she understood...

I guess she is going to limit the time she spends with her friend since she figured out that the person she called her friend is only her friend under her terms... That isn't a friend... I have many wonderful friends and she is one of them... And I had to be honest with her and tell her that even with her, there are alot of things I keep to myself and what we think some people want to hear or they say they can handle it, they actually can't handle it... I know that is probably bad advice, but it is what it is...

I might not have been the best person for my friend to talk to about this since I somewhat have the same issues she does... I have many wonderful friends who accept me for who I am and there are some who want me to be who they want me to be or to do as they do... I have gotten rid of most of those friends that are don't accept me... And I should say that if a friend isn't going to be honest and care about who you are as a person, then they aren't a friend... If they can't accept you for who you are, flaws and all, then they aren't your friend... When I told my friend that i don't share alot of the things I think or things that have happened, she asked me if I would share with her... I honestly told her no and that I personally feel that if I say too much, then people can't or don't want to deal with it and it makes people uncomfortable... She understand and gave me my space and she is going to think twice about those people in her life who want her to be friends under their terms...But then again, maybe people don't know how to be friends...